My Roommate
by Fantasy101
Summary: AU: pre-slash. John and Rodney have lived together for three years now but what happens when one of them confess.


My Roommate

Part One.

"John? You home?" Rodney McKay questioned as he shut the door to the small New York apartment on the 26th floor.

"Yeah McKay, in the kitchen." Came a reply from the other room. Rodney placed his house keys into the small plastic bowel next to the door and made his way through the lounge room and into the tiny kitchen. "Hey McKay." John Sheppard greeted from the black stool next to the modern bench top typing away at his laptop.

"Hey, how's the book coming along?" Since they had been living together, about three years now, John had been working on story based on his time during the war. The idea was suggested to him by his therapist in hopes to aid John move past the trauma of war. Rodney had looked at it a few times for him assisting where he could.

After a loud sigh John replied, "Crap-ly" Rodney raised an eyebrow at the made up word but did not press on the matter this time as John continued, "I have another block in my creativity." Rodney opened the fridge as he listed to John speak, grabbing out the left over Chinese food.

"Maybe you just need a break?" Suggested Rodney as he heated up the chinse food in the microwave, "Or to just get out of this apartment for a little while?"

Sheppard shrugged in response, "Maybe…." Rodney took the Chinese out of the microwave after a loud beeping to indicate that it had finished. Grabbing a fork from the draw next to the sink he began munching away. "You want me to look at it again for you?" Rodney suggested after a moments silence.

"Katie suggested that we get together for a bit of a catch up" Rodney spoke up when Sheppard did not reply after a few moments, "maybe a few drinks?" Rodney continued munching away.

Sheppard smiled, "Could be good. When and where?" Rodney shrugged taking another bite, "Maybe Friday at Atlantis bar after work? But Katie said she would text to confirm with us before then."

"So how was your day?" Sheppard asked as he closed his laptop focusing on Rodney, "Anything interesting?"

Rodney replied with a snort, "Always but nothing you would be interest in." Rodney munching on the food in front him went on, "however, something odd did happen."

"Oh?" John questioned, "What?"

"Kolya asked me to go to his office tomorrow afternoon…" John raised a questioning eyebrow at his housemate, "What do you spouse he wants" John asked.

Rodney did not reply for a moment just looking down at this food. Kolya was his direct manager who was a very direct and harsh man. He also had a reputation for belittling and bulling staff until they left. "I don't know, but I can't afford to lose my job."

"Rodney, he won't fire you they need you at the research Lab. Without you they would still be working on the invention of the wheel." Rodney new John was just trying to cheer him up but that did not stop the sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach.

Rodney shock his head moving to throw out the now empty chinse container, "So what do you want to do for dinner?" John laughed knowing that Rodney was not kidding.

After dinner the boys sat in front of the TV, not really watching but rather enjoying each other's company as they spoke about a great many topics. This had become routine for them since they had moved in together.

They had not known each other before they had moved in together in fact the move had been encouraged by a mutual friend, Jack O'Neill and his wife Samantha Carter. Rodney had known Samantha since he was 16 years old completing his second PHD in Physics alongside 22 year old Samantha. John on the other hand had known Jack O'Neill since he became a fighter pilot at age 19. When John had gone done in an aircraft incident (classified) and had been forced to retire at the early age of 32, Jack and his wife Samantha had suggested living with their young brilliant friend, age 26, Rodney McKay. John had denied at first but unable to find work that would pay more than his monthly military pension payments agreed in the end to meet with Rodney. At first John could not stand Rodney feeling that he was nothing more than a snobbish, conceded jackass. It took a few weeks before John could see past this and become almost friends with Rodney. After four weeks of getting to know each other John moved in with Rodney.

Three years later they considered each other best friends. John now 35 years of age divorced, jobless and content in his life was happy for the time that he could spend with Rodney. They fought a lot and debated, sometimes John taking the opposing side just to see his younger friend riled up. But they were friends, best friends and thus John would never want to be anywhere else.

Looking from the outside, as Samantha Carter often did, she knew that there was a tight bond between the two. They lived together, 'texted' and emailed each other while Rodney was at work, went to parties and gatherings together and then would leave together. Always around each other, pushing each other's buttons but always looking out for each other. Samantha would describe it as the sun and the moon. They need each other. The sun, John bright always cheerful with always people drifting towards him all wanting to be a part of John's light. Rodney the moon, not wanting to be in the light but always in the suns eyes - always watching over him. One never far from the other.

Rodney's phone buzzed on the brown coffee table. Moving to pick his phone up Rodney scrolled though the messages to see the new text. "It's Katie." Rodney stated.

"What does it say?" John questioned taking a sip of his black coffee.

"Drinks tomorrow night at Atlantis bar." Rodney stated.

"I thought it was Friday night?" John questions. Rodney shrugged, "I think it was just a suggested day".

"Ok, well tomorrow should be fun." John smiled, "Don't you think?"

Rodney replied, "Yeah, I shall let her know well go then?" John nodded before he finished the last of his coffee and placing it on the coffee table as Rodney sent a reply to Katie.

"Who else is going?" John asked, "The usual? Teyla, Ronon, Sam, Jack, Katie, Jennifer, Carson and Laura?"

Rodney nodded, "I spouse so."

Teyla and Ronon had been in the airfares with John retiring not long after John did so that they could settle down and start a family. Torren was now two years old.

Carson worked with Samantha (also known as Sam) and Rodney at the labs. Carsen had meet Laura through John. Laura working in the air force retiring the same day John had. Laura having been saved by John's actions. Laura and John did not have any romantic feelings for each other but did become good friends. Also sharing in their love of teasing Rodney McKay. Thus one day John thought that Carsen and Laura would be good together and set them up on a blind date. They are now married and were trying for their first child.

Finally, Jennifer and Katie both working for Rodney at the lab.

"Unless Teyla and Ronon can't find a baby sister."

"Or maybe that's why it's tomorrow because that is the only day they could find a baby sitter for." Rodney nodded in agreement yawning. "Bed time I think." Rodney stated as he stood up from the couch. "You coming?"

John nodded standing up and following Rodney to the bathroom. They both brushed their teeth in between pointless chatter before making their way to John's bedroom. Pulling their clothing of leaving nothing but a t-shirt and boxes each they both jumped into Johns queen size bed.

"Good night" Rodney stated switching of the lamp and snuggling into the pillows.

John smiled as looked down at Rodney. He could see Rodney through the light that came through the window. Rodney and John had been sharing a bed for about 2 and half years now, the others did not know about it and neither where willing to speak about it to anyone else (other than John's psychologist, Kate Heightmeyer).

It had begun about 5-6 months into living together. John had woken up in a sweat, screaming with pure fear. Rodney had ran into the room with a wooden spoon that he had grabbed of the kitchen bench as he had run from his late night studies in the kitchen into John's bedroom, freaking out but hoping to help fend off any attacker. After Rodney had realised that John had woken up due to night terrors he had sat on the bed next to him rubbing his back soothingly until they both feel asleep. It had not been as awaked the next morning as John had thought it would be. They spoke about John's nightmares and the war until Rodney asked what he could do to help. "Nothing unless your prepared to sleep in the same bed every night" John had meant it as a joke but Rodney had simply replied, "Okay" with a stern look on his face. John had been shocked but smiled at Rodney not expecting Rodney to follow through. That night Rodney had climbed into bed with John wished him good night and never said another word about it. Two and a half years later Rodney was still sharing the bed with John. Not that John minded, in fact the few nights that Rodney had not returned to the apartment John had found it next to impossible to get to sleep. Judging by the way Rodney would return to the apartment with bags under his eyes he knew Rodney also had trouble sleeping without John by his side.

John ran his hand down McKay's cheek smiling as he heard the soft snoring coming from McKay's lips. John enjoys Rodney's company and enjoys feeling Rodney snuggle into John like a lover would. Maybe John was lonely and needed a new partner to focus on however since they had begun living together John had not had eyes for anyone else other than Rodney.

John had not set out to fall for his best friend, it was just something that happened. One day he woke up next to Rodney the light from the moon shining onto his younger friend making him look like an Angel. John new in that very moment (nine months after moving in together) that he had fallen hard for Rodney McKay. John had never acted on his feelings always wanting to stay close to Rodney. He had of course felt jealous when Jennifer had appeared to be attempting to romance Rodney however this had left the moment he realised that Jennifer in fact had feelings for Katie. Last month John helping them realise their feelings for each other. He had also felt jealous when Rodney had told him that before Samantha had meet Jack Rodney had loved Samantha. This feeling of jealously always appearing sometimes when they spoke about things that he could never understand (unless he really tried). But to John's relief Rodney had never gone on more than one or two dates with any women since the three years that John had known Rodney for. John felt bad thinking this but in all honesty he did not know how he would react if Rodney ever found a women to marry.

John cared deeply for Rodney and he wanted him to be happy but he was also selfish wanting to keep Rodney to himself for as long as possible. The way that Rodney smiles, the way that Rodney got angry at other peoples ignorance, Rodney's passion for science, Rodney's love for food and chocolate. They way Rodney would have breakfast sitting on the table for when John got up and how he would always leave a note on the fridge telling him to have a good day or a useless fact about science that he thought John should know. It was the little things that John loved about Rodney.

It had only been 18 months when John new for sure that he loved Rodney and that he would be eternally devoted to him. The sad thing was John new that his love and devotion would never be returned in the same way. John new Rodney loved him and cared for him – would do anything for him. But John new that Rodney was not 'in love' with him. And that thought almost broke John's heart every day.

John lend over and kissed Rodney's forehead before bringing Rodney into his arms and falling asleep.

Rodney work up the next day wrapped in Johns strong arms. Rodney would never admit to John that he loved waking up in John's arms.

Sliding out of bed and away from John the young scientist got ready for work. As much as Rodney would love to stay in bed and think about nothing he knew that he had a meeting with Kolya this afternoon. Rodney was dreading this meeting the sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach returning the moment he left the protectiveness of John's arms.

The only comfort Rodney could give himself as he left for work that day with a bagel hanging out of his mouth, keys in one hand and a suitcase in the other was that at least if he was to get fired tonight he could drown himself in self-pity tonight at the bar with John and the others.

A few moments after Rodney had left John had managed to pull himself out of bed and make his way to the kitchen. John smiled.

A warm bagel sitting on the bench with Coffee ready to be poured into John's favourite cup a note on the fridge:

""In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity."

- Albert Einstein"

John's smile grew into a grin. Rodney trying to help get rid of his writers block was pretty cute. In that moments, despite not thinking he could fall any deeper, John feel for Rodney just a little more.

John sat on the couch across from Dr Kate Heightmeyer, his psychologist since leaving the air force. "So how is Rodney?" She questioned smiling from the chair across from John.

John smiled blushing a little, "His good, though he has to go see his boss this afternoon he seemed pretty nerves about that."

Dr Heightmeyer crossed her legs adjusting the note book in her hands, 'Do you think he needs to be?"

John shook his head, "Nuh, he practically is that place without him they would be nothing."

Dr Heightmeyer nodded before replying, "And what about you?" At John's confusion she continued, "What would you be without Rodney?

John sat for a moment the thought of not having Rodney in his life making him feel psychically sick, "I guess fine" He lied, and "McKay and I are just friends"

"You are still calling him by his last name?" She smiled, "That won't stop your feelings John."

John getting angry stated in his rage, "I would be nothing! Are you happy?" John sighed letting the anger out, "The thought of losing McKay…..Rodney scares me more than dying alone on the battle field at the hands of the enemy."

"Have you built up the courage to tell him how you feel yet?"

John shook his head, "I try to and I try to use the skills that you gave me but then I look into those blue eyes and the fear of seeing hatred or worse disgust in them….." John took a moment to gather his thoughts, Dr Heightmeyer waiting respectfully, "…the fear of having him walk out that door and never being able to see him again just hurts to much to bear."

"What if he was to state that he loved you in return?" Dr Heightmeyer asked

"I would be the luckiest man alive." John stated happily, "But what are the chances of that happening?

"More than if you did nothing" The psychologist stated.

Rodney sat fidgeting in his seat just outside of Kolya's office. Katie smiling from across the room giving him the thumbs up trying to reassure Rodney that everything was going to be fine. However, despite that Rodney still felt like a child being sent to the principle office about to be expelled. Though Rodney could not recall what he would have done to end up sitting here. Yes he pissed people off every day at work, called people idiots, made a few people cry in a day but they knew all this when they hired him four years ago so what was the issues.

"You can go in now"

Rodney nodded standing up but before he went in he saw his friend's wave at him as they left all heading the bar. Rodney very much wished he was leaving with them.

The sign outside the bar flashed bright blue, 'Atlantis Bar'. It was a place that was close to Rodney's work and close to everyone's homes. It had a nice atmosphere and live music Thursday to Saturday. It had good bar meals, good music and gay friendly. They knew this last fact because Aiden Ford, who had been out since he was 15 years old owned the Bar. He stated that he had called it Atlantis because it represented a place of hope and forward thinking.

Rodney was late, not that John kept looking at the door waiting for Rodney to arrive.

"It's ok John, Rodney was still speaking with the boss before we left." Jenifer stated, "He should be here soon." She placed a jug of beer on the table, Katie placing some empty glasses down next to it.

Not long later Rodney walked in. He looked unsure and fidgety but in John's eyes he looked more than this. He looked scared.

John did not pay much attention that night focusing on Rodney instead.

John looked over at Rodney who was smiling and laughing at O'Neill's joke, but new that the smile did not reach his eyes. John knew Rodney well enough by now to know that something was very wrong.

Stepping into the apartment John held Rodney up by the waist. "How much did you drink?" He questioned the very drunk scientist.

"I'm fine – I can hold my." Rodney stubbled over his feet but thankfully John was holding him up so he did not fall, "my beer." Rodney finished.

John laughed helping Rodney through the house and laying him on their bed, "Just help me take your shoes off, ok?"

After some struggling Rodney was in bed with a glass of water and John sitting next to him, both under the covers. "So what really happened today with Kolya?"

Rodney shook his head. He felt to embraced and stupid to tell anyone, especially John. John would look down on him, see him as weak or over reacting.

"Nothing." Rodney stated moving to place his glass on the bed side table before rolling onto his side away from John.

John placed a hand on Rodney's shoulder, "Please tell me Rodney, I can tell something has upset you. Please let me help you." After a moment's pause John tried again, "Please trust me."

Rodney rolled over looking up into John's concerned eyes, "I do trust you, b-but it's stupid!"

John rans his figures down Rodney's check, "Nothing you say is very stupid to me" Rodney still drunk from the bar nodded, "Y-you won't laugh at me?' John shook his head no.

"It was Kolya. H-he asked me to see him today remember?" John nodded know this already but allowing the drunk Rodney to start where he felt comfortable. "I went in just after the others had left and he looked all stern as he always does. He asked me if I like my job and for a while we just spoke about work and how was preforming at work. It all seemed ok until he…. He" Rodney looked away embarrassed to continue.

"What did he do?" John asked softly hoping is anger for Rodney's boss did not come through.

Rodney sat up shaking his head but keeping his face away from John's, "He shoved his tough in my mouth and pushed me against the wall….." John could feel his anger towards the other man but for the moment tried to stay focused on Rodney listing to everything he said, " I – I could feel his – he was hard!" Rodney could feel the tears roll down his checks and a soft hand on his shoulder, John trying to comfort him. Rodney continued knowing he wanted to tell John everything but still to embarrassed to look at him, "He pulled away and stated that he had been watching me since I started working for him and that he wanted to have me over the office table. How he wanted my mouth around his…." Rodney could not finish that sentence.

"What else did he do?" John asked, "Did he hurt you? Threaten you?"

Rodney did not move for a moment but John could see how scared he was, "Y-yes" Rodney finally stated. "God! I feel like some weak little girl!" John new that Rodney was not weak but psychically he was not very strong. He knew that Kolya could have easily over powered Rodney. "He would not let me go, he told me to think about what he said as he could have me fired and make sure I could never work in the Science community again. …" Rodney finally looked at John tears running down his checks, "Science is my life John, I can't not do it. But I …. I can't be with a man that evil, that disgusting…..W-what do I do John?" John moved to pull Rodney into his arms slowly rocking him back and forth. In truth John wanted nothing more than to head down to the labs and rip Kolya apart but right now his priority was Rodney.

"Let me deal with him tomorrow, Okay. I will make sure you never have to see him again." Rodney looked up at John with questioning eyes, "H-how?"

"It's not important." He wiped the tears from Rodney's eyes leaning down to kiss his checks

"J-John?' John's eyes widened cursing himself for acting on his feelings as he saw the confusion and uncertainty in Rodney's face.

"Lay down Rodney, go to sleep. It my turn to comfort you tonight." John laid them both down wrapping his arms around Rodney. Rodney unsure what was going through Johns head laid his head on John's shoulder. It felt nice to feel protected, not that Rodney needed it of course.

"John, thank you for always being there." John smiled down at Rodney rubbing his hand over Rodney's back.

"I'll always be here for you buddy, you know that." John did not realise he spoke the next few words out loud until it was too late, blaming his own consumption of alcohol that night "I love you, Rodney".

Flinching John expected a freaked out Rodney but Rodney who was so close to sleep smiled, "Wuv you too". Then Rodney was asleep.

John shocked for a moment smiled, no grinned. Wether Rodney new it or not he had just told John that he loved him. John was not going to back down any more. He finally had the courage to act on it. but first ….

John picked up his cell phone from the bed side table and called an old 'friend', "Michael, that favour you owe me, I am calling it in…." John's eyes ice cold as all thoughts focused on Rodney's boss.

The next day Rodney woke up late despite this John was still lying next to him with his laptop on his lap. "What time is it?" Rodney held his head as the pain in his head began to throb.

"Almost lunch time." Was his soft reply.

"What?" Rodney sat up quickly, "Why didn't you wake me? I am so late for work!? Like Kolya's not going to find enough excuse to fire me!"

"I called in sick for you." John replied as he continued to type.

Rodney paused, his jeans half way up his legs, "You did what now?"

"You need to have a long weekend. You can stay in bed all day with me" John grinned suggestively. Rodney not sure what to make of those words right now chose to ignore them for the moment.

"Ko-" Before Rodney could even say his name John interrupted ice in his tone.

"Don't say his name" Rodney finished pulling his pant up looked questioningly at John, "You won't have to worry about him anymore."

"You didn't kill him did you?" Rodney asked concerned, not for his soon to be ex-boss but for John. John did not reply but rather changed the subject his tone becoming softer.

"Rodney, it's ok now. I won't let anyone person hurt you like that again." Rodney could hear the promise in John's voice. Rodney smiled and took his pants of again not noticing the lust filled eyes as he did this. Rodney jumped back into bed grabbing the lap top of John, "So no more writers block?"

John shock his head, "No I know what I want to say now." John smiled at Rodney and Rodney smiled back.

The rest of the weekend went by very quickly neither leaving the apartment. Although John did not tell Rodney that he wanted a relationship he did openly flirt with the younger man. John continued to flirt for the next few weeks which seemed to confuse poor Rodney quite a bit.

There would be a lingering touch hear, or a sentence that meant one thing but could have meant something much more, using excuses to touch Rodney and to be honest Rodney was not sure he wanted it to stop.

So Rodney spoke to the only person he considered to be as equally as intelligent as himself.

"What do you think it means Sam?" Rodney asked Samantha at work one day. Kolya had disappeared on the Friday three weeks before hand Samantha had been promoted to his position. Rodney was not afraid to be at work and he knew he could reply on John to help him if he needed it.

"His flirting with you Rodney" Sam replied laughing, "Are you really that clueless?"

Rodney did not consider himself straight or gay but rather felt he fell for the person rather then there gender thus John being a guy did not scare him. But the thought of John having feelings for him made him oddly happy but Rodney new that the chance of John Sheppard aka Captain Kirk falling for Rodney was as about as likely as being hit by at satellite at home on the toilet, possible but highly improbable. "Don't be silly Sam, John would never fall for someone like me."

Sam rolled her eyes, "How can you be so smart yet so dumb."

Rodney glared at the blonde, "You don't have to be rude about it." Rodney sighed, "So what do I do then?"

"Do you like him?" Rodney thought for a moment. Did he like John? Of course he did. But was he in love with John? Rodney new one thing for sure he wanted to find out.

"Maybe I should ask him out on a date?" Sam smiled nodding, "That would be great!"

At home later that day Rodney felt nerves as he watched John serve up the mince pie and vegetables. "I made Shepherd's pie" John grinned at Rodney. "Sounds good." Rodney replied.

After a moment Rodney continued, never being one for subtlety, "Do you like me?" John looked up surprised at the question at first but then smiled, "Yes I do Rodney."

Rodney let this information sink in before he pressed some more, "Do you like me like a friend or like a boyfriend?"

John finished plating up the food and placed a warm plate in front of Rodney. John then took Rodney's hand, which Rodney allowed him to do before he looked Rodney in the eyes and stated confidently with no regret, "I love you like a soul mate." Although Rodney did not believe in soul mates that did not stop the blush forming on his checks.

"Let's go on a date." Rodney replied. John smiled, "Sure buddy sounds great. Friday?"

Rodney nodded before taking a bite of his pie, "Tastes good." John continued to smile at his friend and crush.

Later that night both getting into bed John felt he had to ask, "Do you love me to Rodney?" He did not want to press but he needed to gage how much Rodney felt for him.

Rodney sighed looking over at John, "I don't know John" John felt his heat ach, "But I want to find out. I know I like you a lot. I could not imagine my life without you. But I need time…. Is that ok?" Rodney asked hoping with all that he was that John would say yes.

John grinned back, "I will just have to court you until you fall in love with me."

Rodney smiled back, "I hope you will John, because I very much want that."

TBC


End file.
